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Conversation with Ali Kalai

His name is Mahan, on the verge of turning 27 years old and holds two bachelor’s degrees; one from Shahrekord University and the other from Shiraz Azad University. His fields of study were archeology and physical education and he comes from a family with four children.

In the introduction section of his Instagram page, he has introduced himself as a trans FTM and a Shirazi street vendor. The content of his page is either related to marketing or about the issues faced by trans individuals in Iran.

“We went to meet with him and discussed about himself and the situation of trans people in Iran. The point is that in response to every question we asked, Mahan not only tried to answer the question, but also addressed the issues of individuals like himself. It seemed like he cared more about the problems of others than his own. He says that alongside his economic work, his goal is to promote culture and reconciliation between society and trans people and their issues. And of course, the concern of Mahan and other trans people, in addition to all the problems, is the issue of social security. And also the concern of lack of understanding and awareness in society about this issue. He says he wants one thing: “Just understanding, and only understanding.”

Dear Agha Mahan, with his warm voice and Shirazi accent, and considering that it has been 4 months since he started hormone therapy, his voice and skin are not completely masculine yet. We had a peaceful conversation and I tried to ask him what I could. We talked for a long time and the result was as follows:

I wanted to ask the first question about yourself and the challenges of being transgender in Iran. What challenges do you face that other citizens of Iranian society do not face?

“We, as trans individuals, face many difficulties both before and after transitioning. I come from a traditional and religious family and, for example, I was not allowed to go out on the streets with my masculine identity and clothing. I was forced to conform to certain boundaries that were set for me and go out in feminine attire. This was a problem for me before transitioning, but it was resolved after the surgery.”

But after the surgery, the biggest problem is the issue of identification documents. In Iran, judges and courts in each city enforce the laws differently. For example, I have heard that trans individuals in Ilam, after obtaining a permit for their surgery, are allowed to quickly change their documents with a court order and in the registry office. But in Shiraz, the judge says that until the second surgery (hysterectomy and chest reconstruction) is performed, we will not give you any orders to change your identification documents. This is despite the fact that this process takes a lot of time. I had my hysterectomy in July and it takes time for me to recover and for my body to be ready for anesthesia again. I am scheduled to have my chest reconstruction in December. But in reality, during this time, I look like a boy but I have female identification documents. In fact, I have no identity.

Wherever I go for work – from simple sales to administrative and non-administrative tasks related to the field and subject I have studied – they ask for documents from me and I cannot provide any. For example, I had gone somewhere for work and lied that my documents were lost and the other person said: “Don’t you say they are lost? Bring us a registration letter. That will suffice.”

The next problem is that in some cities, the law is enforced differently and the judge says that a third action must be taken for the documents to be changed. This itself takes two to three years. Fortunately, the Shiraz judge agrees with the second action. I myself do not know whether to do this action in two to three years or not.

Another problem with trans individuals is that doctors are not very experienced in performing surgeries. Licenses for these types of surgeries were issued in the mid-1990s, but for example, I had my hysterectomy done by a urologist and some trans individuals also go to obstetricians and gynecologists. This means that there is no specific specialization for doctors in this field and in reality, we are just lab rats for physicians.

Does it mean you were not satisfied with your performance?

Many of my friends are dissatisfied with their operation. Doctors also take a consent form before the operation stating that any problem that may arise after the operation is your responsibility. We are forced to do this and it is our only way of survival. I myself do not have the cost of doing this operation abroad and I do not see any other way of salvation ahead of me.

The problem that occurred for me during my surgery was a tear in my bladder. After the surgery, I had two tubes in my body – one for urine drainage and the other for draining blood. They were supposed to be removed after a few days when they were completely dry. However, when I went to the doctor, he said they were not dry yet and to come back later. After a few weeks, they still weren’t dry and it was then that the doctor realized my bladder was torn and urine was leaking into my body. During this time, my physical condition was very bad and I was in so much pain that my family thought I wouldn’t survive. I suffered a lot during this time.

Due to my overall condition, I was hospitalized again. I spent a week in the worst possible state at Namazi Hospital in Shiraz, constantly having my heart monitored and being given painkillers and sedatives to endure the pain. During this week, they were waiting for my bladder to rupture. The doctor said that in 99% of cases, the bladder ruptures. But after a week, he told me that I was part of that 1% and that my bladder was even more open. I went back to the operating room and they stitched up my ruptured bladder. After that, I had three tubes attached to my body; one on my right side, one on my left, and one for my urinary catheter. This situation continued for 40 days and it was very difficult and painful.

I have not yet returned to my normal and natural state, but I am much better than before. Now I am going to my second surgery with fear and trembling, which is a chest drainage procedure. It is a difficult operation in terms of aesthetics. I have to go to Tehran for this, which has its own financial problems and I have to do odd jobs and save money for it.

Have you, as a trans person, ever faced discriminatory behavior from your family, friends, and close acquaintances?

All trans individuals have had a tough time with their families. As for myself, I was a good child in my family and tried to follow the right path and be a useful person. I didn’t have much conflict with my family. They valued me a lot. But because of the religious and traditional atmosphere of the family, I was always afraid to bring it up. Afraid of being rejected, judged, and labeled. I have always obeyed their wishes.

It was a miracle that they agreed with my action, as the saying goes. Now they have fully accepted me. Of course, sometimes they unconsciously call me “my daughter”, but I know it takes time for them to get used to it. My family has no problem with me and they are with me, and even when someone intended to throw stones, my father was and is behind me.

You have studied and seen university. Do you think laws have played a role in the existence of discrimination against trans people or is the problem elsewhere?

Our problem is the laws. We have a 6-month to 1-year treatment period that we must go through. As for myself, during this period, they worked with me to return to a female state. They challenge the individual so much during this period that they believe they are a girl. Of course, for someone who is a true trans, these stages do not affect them and it is determined that they are a trans person.

My doctor confirmed me after 6 months. Their confirmation letter went to the legal medical office, but to my surprise, the medical commission rejected me. The reason was ridiculous. From the moment I entered the medical commission, they constantly called me “madam”. I was very nervous and frustrated, but I tried not to show any reaction. But in the end, I couldn’t take it anymore and I said, “Doctor, please don’t call me madam.” In response, they asked, “Then what should we call you?” I replied, “Please call me sir.” Then the doctor jokingly said, “Well, you haven’t had the surgery yet, so let’s wait and see if we can call you sir.” I replied, “Maybe in your eyes, I am a madam, but in my own identity, I am a sir.” I said, “If God wills, I will have the surgery.” The doctors also took this matter into their hands:

The medical commission rejected me for this reason. My doctor was surprised by this rejection and requested to see their reasons. I wrote a protest and requested a reconsideration. At that point, even the judge was left wondering how they rejected me! He said that after getting to know you, I realized you are a complete gentleman. Go and bring me the name of the lady doctor who rejected you, I will personally drag her to the table and demand her reason. Her reason was not at all scientific.

I can’t understand how a doctor who has introduced themselves, after 6 months, rejects me and the medical commission rejects me after 5 minutes. They want to diagnose 26 years of my life and suffering in 5 minutes. Their system is so flawed that they don’t even trust their own trusted doctor.

For the second time that I went to the Medical Commission, it is unbelievable that only a few medical students were present at the meeting. Neither was there a legal medical officer nor an experienced doctor!

“The rule of the commission is that they talk to you once and once with your parents, and it is not necessary for everyone to enter the session together. The second session went very poorly and they didn’t even follow their own rule. The interesting point in this commission was that I had rolled up my sleeves as usual and one of them said, ‘Your hands have no hair!’ I replied, ‘If you pay attention, they do, but it’s thin.’ Then he said, ‘Pull up your pant legs.’ I also pulled up my pant legs and went to the lady who told me, ‘Stay right there, I’ll come over your head.'”

My legs have thin hair and that lady came and said, “You don’t have any hair!” I replied, “It runs in the family, even my father and brother have thin hair like this. If you want, I can show you a picture of my father and brother’s legs!” She even told me to pull up my pants and I did. Then she touched her face and said, “You don’t even groom it!” I explained that it’s a family trait to have thin hair.

I want to say that my case was clear and obvious, and they were just trying to waste time with irrelevant excuses.

What made you decide to change your gender? Was this decision your own personal choice or were you influenced by someone such as family, doctor, etc.?

This decision was my own and no one encouraged me. Even the possibility of punishment was not encouraging (laughs). For 26 years, this was my dream. The dream of one day being accepted as a “man”. To become a man and a father. Even when I thought this dream would never become a reality, I would tell myself that after the passing of my parents, I could do this (meaning I wouldn’t need their permission anymore). My psychologist helped me by showing me the legal steps after I came to terms with being transgender.

I suffered and studied and wanted to take action. But I thought that one day this would happen that I would not have the power to interfere. Or one day when I have enough financial ability to go somewhere anonymous and then take action.

Agha Mahan; Do you have two university degrees? Why do you sell things despite having these two degrees? Is being transgender the reason or is there another problem?

The reason is, as I mentioned, it is an identification document. Wherever I want to work, they ask for my identification document. Now let’s assume that I have my identification document. Still, due to my appearance and physical condition, I cannot work in more formal places. I have to be in a place where I can work for myself. Another reason is that if you see me, the maximum age you would guess for me is 16 to 17 years old. I have been on hormone therapy for 4 months and my skin still does not look masculine, and this is a time-consuming issue. The current situation in society is such that there has been a significant increase in sexual disorders in the country. Before the surgery, I would hear comments and be harassed, but I would not receive any sexual advances. But after the surgery, these behaviors started and intensified. The situation has become such that when I go out on the street, I am more afraid for my sister who

I am currently working as a street vendor and have been approached multiple times by men who have offered me sexual relations. Pedophilia has become more prevalent and I am afraid of them because of my appearance since I became a boy. For example, the last incident was a few nights ago when I was sitting in a taxi. A drunk man was sitting behind the wheel. He was wearing shorts and his pants were on the back seat of the car. It was between 12 and 1 am. Since there were no taxis at that time, I had no choice but to get in. I was scared when I saw his condition. The driver started talking to me. He found out that I was a street vendor and asked how much I had earned that night. I didn’t make much that night and said: 20 to 30 thousand tomans. The driver laughed and said: I’ll put 300 thousand tomans in your pocket tonight, on the condition that you stay with me until

Now, our biggest problem as trans people is social security. My friends even advised me to delete any photos or addresses of where I work. One of my friends was telling me about a trans street vendor who was forced to commit suicide in Shiraz about two years ago after being sexually assaulted.

From the first day I launched my Instagram page, I had two goals. One was to raise awareness about the transgender community and their life struggles. The second was to generate income; perhaps this way I could attract more people to my page and sell more products.

I had first set up a place for the mat and other things, but after the incident that I described, I got scared and deleted all the addresses. I even thought about deactivating my page, because I saw that many people, including trans people and others, were saying that we get energy from your work. Some had written that we were advanced until suicide, and seeing your page changed our feelings. It is enough for me that one person feels good from the work I do in this regard. But the issue here is that overall, our social and sexual security as trans people is zero.

By the way, how long have you been selling things on the street?

I have been a street vendor for a long time. I had experience before the surgery as well. When I used to work with women’s clothing, these troubles were less. But since the day I had the surgery, I constantly sell on the street and I am dealing with these problems.

Tell us a little more about your problems as a salesperson.

The problems of street vending are very numerous. For example, all kinds of jokes, from physical jokes to verbal ones, are exchanged among vendors. I am a boy who is not into bad language or inappropriate jokes. But the atmosphere is full of ugly verbal jokes. I have to constantly lie to them so they don’t find out and it doesn’t become a source of insecurity for me.

The public’s view of street vendors is very negative and sometimes they see me as a beggar. In this situation, my pride is questioned and my character is damaged.

What is your request from the people and officials?

The biggest problem we have is the lack of understanding and awareness in society. The situation of trans people in Iran is a very big taboo. I myself do not understand why they prevent the spread of awareness in this area. For example, Ms. Behnoosh Bakhtiari has repeatedly asked Mr. Ehsan Ali Khani to bring a trans person to her program to increase people’s awareness, but Mr. Ali Khani has responded that he can talk about those who have committed murder in his program, but he cannot talk about trans people.

For example, everyone talks about people who get cancer and they don’t say it was their choice, but when it comes to us, they think we are deviant and have a sexual deviation. They ask why we went against God’s will and all of this is due to ignorance. They don’t know that we have no control over who we are. They don’t know that a trans person has the same right to choose to be a man or a woman as a cisgender person. As for raising awareness, the media does nothing. People don’t understand and label us. If there was awareness, I could have introduced myself as a trans person and go to work. But I can’t because they think we are sexually deviant. We didn’t ask for financial support from the government. Just awareness and safety. Just understanding and only understanding.

Thank you for the time you have dedicated to the peace process.