Last updated:

October 24, 2024

Dowry; a guarantee for a woman’s future or a means of humiliating her? / Fatemeh Mohammadi

This is a caption

این یک عنوان است

This is a caption.
Conversation with Fatemeh Mohammadi

Dowry has always been a controversial and perhaps controversial issue, especially in times of economic instability. Some believe that dowry prevents hasty divorce and serves as a guarantee for a woman’s livelihood after divorce. Others criticize dowry, considering it as promoting a materialistic view of women and conflicting with human dignity and worth. Sometimes, dowry is used as a means of exploitation, and during economic inflation and the rise in gold prices (the usual form of dowry), divorce rates and dowry demands increase. Sometimes, women, far from evil thoughts and revenge, are only seeking legal rights to support themselves and their children after divorce, but in society, they are condemned for exploiting dowry rights. Sometimes, dowry is demanded according to the actual needs, and sometimes excessive amounts of cash and non-cash are used as a means of revenge for past disputes between the man and the woman, or as a tool to achieve wealth and fulfill dreams. However, there are those who turn a

In this issue, the peace line has approached “Zahra”, who has paid her dowry and is in agreement with it, and also “Yasin”, who has been struggling with paying his dowry for years and is fed up with it, and has had a challenging conversation with them.

۱۰ مه

Zahra was born on May 10th.

1370

He is a resident of Tehran. After separating from his wife, he migrated to Tehran with his young son from Miyandoab, located in West Azerbaijan province.
I’m sorry, there is no Farsi text provided for translation. Please provide the text and I will be happy to translate it for you.

What happened that you immigrated to Tehran after the divorce?

Before officially getting divorced, I had stormed out of the house and went to my father’s house. My parents told me that I had no place in that house and I needed to go back to your husband’s house as soon as possible. We don’t have these customs and traditions in our family, you have brought shame upon us. When I realized that I would have nowhere to stay after the divorce and I didn’t even have enough money to rent a room, I decided to use my dowry to rent a place to live. The court process and summoning of my husband took some time after the divorce, but in the end, he didn’t spend a night in jail because one of his acquaintances bailed him out immediately after he was summoned and transferred to jail, but I don’t know how. After that, I couldn’t find my husband anymore. His family also hated me and they rarely answered my calls. Whenever I pushed too hard, they would just say they had no

What was the amount of your dowry?

Before marriage, I loved Mehdi very much and he loved me too. We never thought we would be separated one day. I had told him that I didn’t want a lot of dowry, but he said because he loves me, he wants to give me 350 gold coins as a dowry for our marriage. Mehdi’s family strongly opposed it, but he insisted on his request.

How long have you been living under the same roof with Mohammad? Why don’t you get married officially?

Five years. So that every time I feel my life is in danger, I can grab my child’s hand and go. If it weren’t for marriage, neither would make him a human, nor would he keep him. During these years, he has taken good care of us and saved the money he gave us so that whenever it was time to leave, I wouldn’t have to beg for a bowl. By the way, he is not my husband, I have never called him or will call him my husband.

How old is your son?

Alireza is 10 years old; he is in fourth grade.

Is your son aware of your relationship with Mohammad? Does he have any issue with this situation?

Yes, he knows. In the beginning, he used to argue a lot with Mohammad; very intense arguments. Sometimes when I came back from work, I would see Alireza standing outside and Mohammad not opening the door for him. Alireza would stay outside for hours in the cold or heat after coming back from school. But because I wasn’t ready to start an independent life at that time, I had to endure and talk to both of them and ask them to make up. Now their arguments have decreased significantly.

If you ever encounter a serious problem with Mohammad, what will your decision be?

I am leaving home and becoming someone else’s son. These things are common and I will not get stuck in a dead end.

Do you receive any amount as a dowry for getting married?

No. Because no one gives these dowries. They run away and we have no control. I don’t like the idea of dowries. We have to save enough money throughout our lives so that we don’t need dowries anymore.

Are you even in favor of dowry? Especially considering that you haven’t even been successful in receiving it.

100%. The dowry is my right. I have worked hard in my husband’s house. I poured my heart out to him with love, but he was careless and didn’t see anything. If he had given me my dowry, I wouldn’t have had to endure all this hardship and humiliation.

Does it mean that by receiving the dowry, you wanted to get back the cost of your affections from your ex-spouse?

The feelings and love that I poured at its feet are much more valuable than these words.

Can I ask at what age did you get married?

17 years old.

Do you not think that if you were not colloquially referred to as a “child-spouse” and had the opportunity to study and acquire skills and expertise, the likelihood of financial dependence on your spouse would be minimized? It is even possible that during your married life, you were not in great need of your spouse’s financial support and could have had a better situation after divorce and faced fewer difficulties.

In the Quran it is stated that the dowry is the right of the woman.

But was this dowry paid to you? In fact, was the dowry a support for you?

If I paid my dowry, it was definitely a support.

In your opinion, what percentage of men pay alimony to their ex-wives after divorce?

Many women give away their dowry, which in my opinion is a pure mistake. With the dowry, one should take back the years and honor they have ruined.

“Good men also use the unequal rights that the law has granted them to their advantage, in order to avoid the responsibility of paying dowry and emptying their shoulders from the burden. For example, the absolute right of divorce belongs to men. A man can condition the divorce or custody of children on the forgiveness of dowry. In that case, what is the obligation of paying dowry?”

Everyone makes a decision in these circumstances. Here, women must choose between dowry, child, or divorce and freedom. Not everyone makes the same decision.

Of course, here “choice” is meaningless. But there are other obstacles in the way of receiving dowry. If a man threatens a woman that if she does not pay his dowry, he will carry out acid attacks, murder, false and sexual accusations, which terrify women in today’s patriarchal and traditional society of Iran. Therefore, determining dowry cannot practically guarantee financial independence or meeting the basic needs of women after divorce.

So what should people like me do? Is my sin that I got married at a young age? Even if I were to get married now for the first time, I would still be a child. Because I still haven’t been able to understand men well and I will definitely be deceived again. There should be a dowry so that people like me suffer less damage after divorce.

If you want my opinion, I believe that child marriage should be confronted, not facilitated. However, we cannot abandon the victims of child marriage. The law and relevant institutions should properly support them. We should not respond to one mistake (child marriage) with another mistake (dowry). Moving on from this, Article 1092 of the Civil Code states that “if a husband divorces his wife before consummation, the wife is entitled to half of the dowry, and if the husband has already given more than half, he has the right to reclaim the excess in cash or in kind.” What is your opinion on this article?

Yes, I am aware. I agree with this law.

Why? Do you think women have not been seen as human beings in this matter?

No. Absolutely not. If someone marries a girl, even if they do not have any physical relationship with her, it will still ruin the chance of a suitable marriage for me. So half of the dowry must be paid to her.

See, even if the dowry is small, men take advantage and threaten and humiliate women with any excuse. We had a relative whose father would curse himself for setting his daughter’s dowry at fifty thousand tomans. My son-in-law beats my daughter every day and constantly threatens to divorce her. My daughter can’t say anything. Their son-in-law is truly a swindler.

Do you think it would make a difference in their quality of life if the dowry for that girl was higher?

At least her husband was able to handle his work and didn’t talk too much.

The fear of men from paying a heavy dowry, if it does not lead to unfortunate events such as threats – as mentioned before – at least it will result in a forced life. Is a forced life without happiness and love what women desire?

No, but if the dowry is not high, the man will go for a second or third wife. We had a very good woman in our family whose husband went and established a relationship with another woman. But the second wife brought destruction upon the man’s life. In the end, he realized how good his first wife had been and returned to her.

In your case, the reason for the man’s return to his first wife’s life was not because of a heavy dowry…

Yes. But in any case, the dowry should be heavy. If one party intends to take advantage, it is better for the woman to do it. Because the man can always stand on his own feet. Even in the workplace, they provide sleeping quarters for men. A man can even sleep in the park, but not a woman. So it is better for the dowry to be heavy so that the woman can enforce it.

Don’t you think there are also women who, regardless, only demand a dowry when the price of gold rises and have greedy eyes for the dowry?

The dowry is the right of the woman. In the Quran it is said that a woman has no obligation. If she has children, takes care of the house, and does other tasks, she must be paid; like alimony and so on. Because a woman goes to her husband’s house to be happy and be a lady, not to work.

Do not forget that nowadays everything is about money. You have to save money. Even in my opinion, during life, whenever you feel that your husband will not keep your dowry, demand it and keep it. Because surely after divorce, it will come in handy.

Thank you for the opportunity you have given us to use the peace line.

Unfortunately, I am unable to provide a translation without the Farsi text. Please provide the Farsi text for accurate translation.

۱۰ اوت

Yasin was born on August 10th.

1365 یکی از شهرهای تاریخی و زیبای ایران است.

The city of Shiraz is located in Fars province. It is one of the historical and beautiful cities of Iran.۲ میلیون

72 million

Last year, he separated from his wife and since then, he has been struggling to pay the never-ending dowry.

How long before the divorce did you officially hear whispers of separation between you and your ex-spouse? And how did the demand for alimony by your ex-spouse come about?

My spouse always used to contact me and wanted to know where I was and what I was doing. This was one of the behaviors that really bothered me. I warned him several times about his annoying behaviors and words, but he ignored me. It was as if he couldn’t control himself. He was sick and I couldn’t continue living with him. He also seemed unhappy with our marriage and every time we talked about it, he would say if you’re unhappy and have the courage, divorce me; I’ll take my dowry until the end of time.

What is the amount of dowry?

250 coins.

Are you regretful that you accepted 250 coins as dowry?

At first, I didn’t think that this would lead to divorce; otherwise, would I have been crazy to do it?

Are you against this amount of dowry or are you fundamentally against “dowry” in any amount?

When a man and a woman reach a point where they can no longer live together, they should separate like two civilized human beings, not for the woman to take revenge for her childhood grudges by emptying the man’s pockets, which would only harm the man himself.

After divorce, what capital should a woman have to continue her life?

Why should a man provide for this capital? Especially in these economic conditions where it is difficult for anyone to cover their own expenses.

But in many Iranian families, the division of tasks is such that the man works and earns income, while the woman is occupied with tasks other than employment and income, such as housekeeping, raising children, etc. Although there are also families where both the man and woman work together. However, many women who get divorced often do not have the necessary experience and expertise to be employed…

Why don’t their families support them?

Due to the traditional structure that exists in society, in many cases families force women to adapt to their husbands in any situation or refrain from accepting them after divorce. Or perhaps their parents are elderly and do not have financial stability, among countless other reasons. What is the fate of these individuals?

It is not reasonable for a woman who has divorced to bear the burden of life again. Moreover, when we want to start a family, does anyone give us a bag of money? They only give us the opportunity to be able to buy a house, a car, and wedding expenses. During this time, they constantly threaten us that if we can’t, we will be a daughterless woman! A wife without a husband!

This situation provides a lot of difficulties for divorced women. If they do not have any capital and their families prevent them from accepting them, it won’t be long before they become homeless on the streets. Now, if these women also have children, they are forced to work hard to provide for their children’s needs such as shelter, food, clothing, medical expenses, education, and countless other needs.

Women can also work. Many men who have custody of their children work alone and also provide for their children.

Do you think there are equal job opportunities for women and men?

I don’t have any business with these matters. But consider that I have remarried now and have a child. Is it fair for me to pay for my ex-wife and child? What have my ex-wife and child done wrong? I have been paying alimony for seven years now. My back is broken. My ex-wife has taken my father away. You, who speak of justice, tell her to leave me alone and end it all!

I have no intention of condemning or acquitting either party. In fact, I believe that dowry cannot be a suitable solution or a halal answer to post-divorce problems, whether for the woman or the man. In any case, it is necessary for fundamental changes to be made in the laws and for more effective solutions to be implemented without creating victims… Leaving that aside, I would like to ask for your opinion on Article 1092 of the Civil Code: “If the husband divorces his wife before consummation, the wife is entitled to half of the dowry, and if the husband has already given more than half of the dowry, he has the right to reclaim the excess, either in kind or in value.”

In my opinion, even half of the dowry should not be paid. If this situation occurs, something must have happened that led to divorce before starting married life. When you have not lived together and have not even had a sexual relationship with them, why should you pay half of the dowry? No money should be given.

Does having or not having a sexual relationship mean something that should be considered in paying the dowry? Is the dowry a payment for a sexual relationship?

I am completely against dowry, whether there is a sexual relationship or not.

How much resistance did you face in not paying the dowry?

The dowry is a forceful demand. No matter what I said, she wouldn’t listen and insisted on receiving these payments, which are forbidden. She had been longing for divorce and dowry from the beginning. I was not really at fault. This woman did something to me that during these years, I have violated all the laws related to dowry. If there was no possibility of installment or adjustment of the dowry, my situation would have been miserable.

It is not enough to simply adjust the dowry and its variations to alleviate the pressure you are under. This will not fundamentally solve the problem. Don’t you think that wrong laws should be abolished rather than adding clauses to them?

I don’t know these things! I only know that dowry is a form of exploitation of men. They want to scare us with the threat of dowry in divorce, but a human being, if their life is in danger, doesn’t care about dowry or these things anymore.

Thank you for the opportunity you have provided us with to use the peace line.

Notes:

  • In this article, the reporter attempts to carefully examine the accuracy of the points that “Zahra” has mentioned about dowry from a section of the Quran. These discussions have been presented to readers as they were stated, without any alterations. This is because the discussion with Mrs. “Zahra” is not about the Quran’s view on dowry, but rather a conversation about a social issue based on the level of information provided by the interviewee.

  • In some cases, the reporter has asked questions in a decisive tone, with the sole purpose of challenging the interviewee and not expressing their personal opinion.

Created By: Fatemeh Mohammadi
May 22, 2019

Tags

Dowry Fatima Mohammadi Marriage Monthly Peace Line Magazine peace line پیمان صلح ماهنامه خط صلح