Home is the first place where almost all of us have grown up, nurtured, and seek our daily security and comfort in this place. However, home does not have a common image for all its members; although for some members of society, home is a place of comfort, for many women it is a “workplace.”

According to experts who focus on domestic violence and murders around the world, home can still be the first safe place for every individual. However, it can also be a breeding ground for various forms of violence; as home is among the first known places where the likelihood of violence and even murder is very high. In this writing, we intend to explore the underlying layers of the safe and peaceful space of home from a different perspective and see for women who experience home as a type of workplace, namely women who are busy with their work.«

Housework.»

And, the experience of “domestic violence” takes on what dimensions and angles…

Violence; only against women?

Violence against women is different from general violence due to the role that “gender” and the gendered cultural context play in it. Violence against women is not just psychological, social, or criminal, and should be viewed from various perspectives like other women’s issues. Therefore, in order to solve this multi-faceted problem, different institutions must take action and individual efforts, psychological solutions, or simply changing laws alone cannot eliminate violence against women from society.

Violence against women has various forms, including physical violence, sexual violence, psychological/verbal violence, social violence, and economic violence. While violence against women occurs in both public and private spaces, our focus in this writing is on the violence that happens to women who are engaged in household work.

The data in this article is from a research in which we conducted complete interviews with women about their experiences with domestic work with a focus on the “sevoseh zan” (a traditional Iranian term for a woman who is responsible for household chores). We also opened up conversations about domestic work with approximately seven hundred other women through virtual platforms. Our questions were not specifically about domestic violence, but through their responses, we heard the voices of women who revealed hidden aspects of domestic violence, particularly in the form of emotional and economic violence.

Emotional violence in the context of domestic work.

One of the important findings of our research was that for doing household work, one needs basic abilities and powers, which are not only physical, but also include two other forms: “mental power” and “spiritual power”. Since household work is considered as a non-professional job with no income, it is done daily without interruption and is often ignored and hidden. Therefore, these three powers that are used for doing it, come with many challenges.

The spiritual strength and power that women put into doing household chores shows itself in the form of motivation, prioritization, or love that is needed to do these tasks every day. In response to our research questions, many women have faced challenges with this spiritual energy, such as being “ignored,” “indifferent to others,” “disgusted with household chores,” “seeing this as a permanent duty,” “displeasure with the presence of others,” and similar issues. They have also faced challenges with the “mental powers” that are required for household chores, such as “lack of time” or “enjoyment of independence and personal solitude.” Even alongside the “physical powers” needed for household chores, there are often hidden challenges such as “physical pressure on women,” “lack of rest and leisure,” and even “illness caused by household work,” which easily become a breeding ground for violence against women’s physical and mental health.

It’s your job!

Being forced to do constant household chores can cause psychological pressure for some women who see their words and actions contradicting each other. Mithra (names in this text are not real) complains about her husband who ignores his health and personal matters, saying: “If I don’t prepare breakfast for him and take a bite, he won’t eat breakfast. If I don’t think about his lunch, he won’t eat lunch… The contradiction here is that he always says he doesn’t expect me to do any household chores, but once during an argument he told me that I don’t care about his food.” She goes on to talk about her husband’s lack of participation in household chores and even personal matters, which she is responsible for, such as organizing and ironing his clothes, and jokingly adds: “You must have noticed that he doesn’t expect anything from me.” Many women have mentioned that their husbands may not “expect” anything from them, but they don’t offer any alternative

When other family members do not participate in household chores, it questions the self-worth of a woman who is busy with household work and transfers the feeling of being ignored to her and her work. This can be a mental burden on her and can be a sign of emotional violence. In cases of emotional violence, denying, ignoring, dehumanizing the person, belittling their achievements, and making them feel helpless are not uncommon experiences that we have heard about women and household work. The challenge of non-participation can manifest itself in various forms of emotional violence. Fahimeh wrote for us: “It rarely happens that I ask my husband for help with household chores because I know he won’t do it and it makes me angry. Sometimes when I’m really overwhelmed and the kids need attention and there are urgent tasks that can’t be postponed, I ask for his help. But he might not help and instead watch a movie, and that really makes me upset because he knows I only ask

Negative emotional reaction to protest and complaint can be a form of emotional violence. This challenge, as Elham writes for us, shows that the other person has taken away the right to even protest for some reason. Many men show unpleasant reactions to the expectations that women have for participating in household chores, which leaves women feeling helpless and upset. Forms of emotional violence also include blaming the other person, pretending to be a victim, making the other person feel guilty, and engaging in behaviors that can be used as a tactic to protect oneself from criticism from the other person; for example, Maryam writes for us: “Sometimes my father does the household chores. He works very hard, but unfortunately he complains a lot afterwards. It has gotten to the point where I really don’t want him to do anything. He either doesn’t do anything at all or when he does, we have to hear a lot of complaints.” Or Nastaran writes for us: “My situation is strange… We are two

Work without a workplace, without working hours, without a day off, sick leave, and retirement.

The fact that a woman is a homemaker and anyone who is responsible for “household work” is placed in a space where there is no clear boundary between “workplace” and “place of residence” has made the importance of solitude and having a “personal retreat” more prominent for many women. For some women, negative emotional reactions, lack of participation, and neglecting their life partner or those around them have turned them into people who seem to be in the role of “employer” for household chores and behave towards their employees in a way that they prefer solitude; for example, Erfan writes for us: “Without prejudice, I must say that my most pleasant time is when there are no members of the household and I can be alone with myself” or Rahilah writes for us: “The worst time is when my husband comes home and hasn’t even taken off his clothes yet, he takes control and sits in front of the TV and expects to be served, and then

We need to take domestic violence seriously when we see women who are treated harshly for doing household chores, as if they are facing a strict employer who will punish them if they don’t do their job properly. For example, Taybeh wrote to me: “When my husband comes home, he doesn’t let me do my work and I have to have dinner ready for him and my daughter to eat, the house must be clean, the sink must be empty, I must be presentable. It’s the most stressful time of the day for me…I’m constantly running around the kitchen making sure everything is perfect before my husband comes home so he won’t complain or scold me for being at home all day and not doing anything.” Or Sara wrote to me: “My experience, as a mother who passed away about four years ago and the household chores are now my responsibility, is that when no one is home, I feel more at peace. But as the time for my father’s

The challenge of lack of time and not being able to attend to personal tasks also creates psychological pressure for many women, which when combined with “neglecting” their household chores (which itself is a barrier to completing their personal tasks), exacerbates their dissatisfaction.

A factory called “Family”.

Gary Becker, an American economist who believed that the family is also a small factory in which essential goods such as housing, food, entertainment, children, and even emotional relationships are produced, has an economic perspective on the family. A review of his views helps us see what prominent points will emerge if we have a completely economic view of the family.

Bakr believes that the logic of “maximizing profit” is what drives the family factory. He lists four main benefits for marriage: first, “specialization and exchange” which can increase productivity in the family; meaning that when someone becomes specialized in a certain task, they lose the opportunity to specialize in another task. In simpler terms, if you specialize in cooking a specific dish, the profit lies in not spending time and energy on learning another skill (such as accounting) which takes away from your time and energy, and instead using your specialized skill to continue producing the dish with less energy. Similarly, there is an economic advantage in a man spending his time specializing in accounting and continuing in that field rather than learning a new skill like cooking, thus there are countless skills and specializations in the world that we choose to exchange and only focus on one or a few minor skills.

There are three other benefits that Bakr counts for marriage, all of which are somehow related to domestic production. The second fundamental benefit of marriage from Bakr’s perspective is “producing household goods”; goods that do not limit the use of one person to the use of others; for example, a tidy house, clean blankets, or washed curtains can be used by more than one person. Bakr sees the third benefit of marriage as “cost-effectiveness”; meaning that domestic production, like many factories or industries, can be done on a larger scale, but with almost the same cost. In simpler terms, cooking once for four people is more cost-effective than cooking four times for one person. The fourth benefit is “sharing risk”; meaning that the loss that would have only affected one person without a family is divided among family members and is not solely the responsibility of one person.

However, there are other issues that cannot be ignored; women’s dissatisfaction with the conditions they face while doing household chores shows us in many cases the specific aspects of women’s household work that can be a breeding ground for domestic violence. In the following, we will see to what extent women’s experiences in the real world are aligned with economic theories, and we will see how blind economic theories that ignore gender and women’s specific issues can contribute to “economic violence” and sometimes more severe forms of domestic violence.

Quit job.

“Specialization” in its purest form, which is connected to the economic approach of “comparative advantage,” suggests that because women have a comparative advantage in childbearing compared to men, they become specialized in child-rearing and household work. This initial step can already demonstrate the “non-choice” aspect of this situation, as we observe from the experiences of women. Yalda writes: “For about two years, due to the birth of my child, I couldn’t do my job, which was teaching and translating. Since then, until now that I have started working again, my opinions and suggestions have become insignificant and unimportant in economic matters of life. All of our income and money is under the control of my husband, and this is truly frustrating because I am solely responsible for the household and it seems like my education and expertise have gone to waste.” We can see that the exchange that may limit someone’s choice between two specializations, such as cooking or interior design,

Being forced to quit one’s job is something that many other women have also mentioned. Maideh writes: “I am a PhD student; that’s why I have temporarily given up working outside the home. Unfortunately, I couldn’t handle the heavy workload of my thesis and all the household chores that were on my shoulders, and I failed in my outside work as well. In addition to work pressure, there was also mental pressure on me that took away my spirit. Now, since I don’t have any money, I don’t have a say in the decision-making process.” In fact, the lack of men’s participation in household chores gradually leads women who are not able to juggle outside employment and household work to quit their jobs. Of course, women gradually become “experts” in doing daily household chores, but at what cost?

Zahra’s experience shows us that sometimes the opportunity to gain expertise is not officially recognized for women. Zahra writes: “I told my husband because of our second child, if you want, it’s not a problem, but you have to take leave. Stay at home for a year and take care of the child, I’ll go to work. I can’t stay at home anymore. He asked seriously where we would get food from and I calmly said from the same place I used to before you. It should be noted that they started a new job exactly at the time of the birth of our first child and had to start from scratch without any capital. They know their rights that I should build with no money and no time, but it doesn’t even cross their mind that I could stay at home now and start over again.”

Interest or disgust.

Although many people may have to choose a job for financial reasons that may not align with their interests, expertise, or education, the main difference between a job and housework is that the result of the former is achieved with all the disinterest and even disgust towards it, as we mentioned, it is for earning a living and obtaining wages and benefits; therefore, individuals may exchange the opportunity to develop skills in a specific field for other alternative specialties due to the desire to earn income, social status, or job benefits, as mentioned by Gari Bakr. However, in the findings of this research on the subject of housework for women, many women mentioned their disinterest and disgust towards doing housework, which is often due to the fact that it is unpaid and considered low status work for them. Shima writes: “I hate cooking. I hate this desperate effort to survive. I hate something that takes hours to make and disappears in ten minutes. I hate something that is supposed to bring

Efficient production, or investment?

For “economic violence,” there are generally three main categories: control, exploitation, and destruction of property and assets (or the threat of it). If we look at the four benefits that Gary Becker considers for marriage, it seems that he has left out “for men” in his theory. We have seen that “specialization and exchange,” which he listed as the first benefit, is not very beneficial for women considering the free household work done by women and the costs that this “exchange” has for them. The next three benefits, which are related to household production, reducing costs, or sharing risks, are not generally beneficial for women and have even been able to impose domestic violence on women by considering the conditions and characteristics of household work in some cases. These three economic benefits may be useful for men and other household members who are not involved in household work as consumers of household products and services, but for household workers, this situation is sometimes accompanied by psychological damage and a form of domestic violence.

Responsibility in the face of domestic violence.

Domestic violence against marginalized groups in society is a social issue that not only various institutions, but also members of society have a social responsibility towards. In this social responsibility, the better we can recognize violence, identify it, see it, and not normalize it, and address it as an abnormality, the better we can effectively eliminate domestic violence and have an impact on other members of society as well.

Household work, as one of the daily activities, is hidden from view for many women even in normal circumstances, and its difficulties and challenges are not even seen within families. Let’s not forget that every hidden and invisible area in people’s lives provides a fertile and vulnerable ground for violence that can remain hidden for years. Violence is not anyone’s right. Let’s not be passive and silent in the face of violence, whether towards ourselves or towards others.

Notes:

1- The quotes are from the raw data of the author’s master’s thesis; “The Daily Experience of Middle-Class Urban Women with Household Work and Coping Strategies”, Allameh Tabatabai University, October 2021.

2- Gary, Becker, A Theory of Marriage: Part One, Journal of Political Economy, Issue 81, Volume 4, pp. 813-846, 1973.

3- Peter Anjou, An (reviewed by Log Timothy), How can we recognize signs of mental and emotional abuse?, Healthline, December 6, 2018.