This is a caption

“This is a caption”
Zahra Bagheri is happy.

The dowry is a “contract” defined between individuals who believe in emotional, sexual, and any kind of bond between humans within the framework of heterosexuality or homosexuality, and need a financial guarantee that is legally required for the survival of their shared life.

Perhaps it wouldn’t be off track to consider “dowry” as an attempt to create a balance of power in the emotional relationship between a man and a woman; in a way that the man, as the superior gender and the one with a more stable economic and social position, should show his “dowry” to the woman as a demand for an emotional and sexual relationship. This “performance” should take a material form to protect the man’s emotional and spiritual core. At the same time, for the woman who is in a lower position compared to the man, some sort of economic guarantee should be provided; because she will never be the man’s economic partner according to the law and customs, and the “dowry” is most likely the only guaranteed economic share she has in their mutual bond, which sometimes turns into a pressure lever for the survival of this bond.

Agnes Heller, a Hungarian philosopher, in an article titled “Love, Marriage, and Family” argues that marriage is a social contract and its essence is a sign of people’s distrust towards each other. In her view, marriage stands in contrast to love. If we follow Agnes Heller’s approach, it is likely that dowry can also be evaluated in this way: a material guarantee that is exchanged between two people due to mutual distrust; it is the beginning of the formation of a social contract that has a deep economic burden. However, in an informal emotional and sexual relationship, there is no need for a material guarantee due to the absence of a social contract.

When heterosexuality is the norm, a man will seek emotional and sexual services from a woman due to his privileged position. In return for receiving these services from the woman, he is obligated to provide gifts and, on a broader level, to financially support her. Friedrich Engels, a German philosopher, explains the basis of such a relationship in his book “The Origin of the Family, Private Property and the State”. According to him, if a prostitute sells her body once and receives money in return, in a traditional patriarchal or heterosexual family, the man will financially support her as long as they are in a relationship. The reasons and implications of this discussion may be debatable in its time, but from this perspective, dowry can be seen as a large gift in exchange for a lifetime of sexual services from the woman.

One: Why am I talking about the framework of heterosexuality?

The historical examination of the exchange of “mahr” (dowry) shows that this “agreement” has always been considered in permanent or temporary marriages, which are based on the relationship between two opposite sexes – namely, a woman and a man. If I want to talk about Iran specifically, it can also be seen that emotional and sexual relationships between men and women in Iran, when it comes to marriage and living together, tend to lean towards the idea that the man must propose to the woman. This is not a unique pattern to Iranian society, and it is still a hot topic in Western societies, especially in America, where women may wait for years for a proposal and even create memorable moments from the event. Generally, it is the men who must prepare a ring, think creatively about the proposal in attractive spaces, and possibly even get down on one knee in front of the woman they desire. This classic pattern is still followed in many societies, and it has not lost its legitimacy

However, if in Western societies today, individuals with different sexual orientations and identities also sometimes follow the classic pattern of courtship, in Iran, due to the criminalization of homosexuality, only heterosexuals are still the ones with the “veil” of “courtship” for their desired woman. Perhaps if we look more closely, we can consider this behavioral pattern as “opening the car door” by men for women, “carrying heavy bags and items” by women for men, “throwing coats and jackets” over women’s shoulders by men, and other behaviors that reinforce the necessity of being a “gentleman” and a “lady” and have been very common in traditional behavioral norms between men and women.

Despite all of this, proposing marriage has never been exclusively for men and women also take the lead in this matter. This behavior is especially seen among women who have distanced themselves from traditional and conservative patterns in emotional and sexual relationships and do not view marriage as a transaction in which they must market themselves. They believe they have the right to propose to a man if they deem him suitable for an emotional or sexual relationship. However, it is unclear how much these individuals continue to follow the common pattern in the process of marriage, especially when it comes to the concept of “dowry” which is also legally required.

For years, in Iranian society, modern models of romantic and sexual relationships, such as white marriages, have been discussed. It is even possible that a significant portion of women have experienced other emotional and sexual relationships before marriage. However, the question remains as to why, when it comes to signing the marriage document, they still show a serious inclination towards registering a large gift, such as a dowry.

Two: Balance of power?

We have heard and read that some consider the presence of a dowry as a necessity in the life of an Iranian woman, with the justification that she does not have equal rights as a man and in the event that the man wants to leave her or the marriage ends for any reason, the woman will have the dowry as her legal right and it can help to some extent with her financial independence. Perhaps this argument is not completely baseless, in a situation where the woman is not the economic partner of the man. Unless the man legally transfers a portion of their shared assets to her, in a situation where the woman does not have equal rights as a man in terms of employment and income, and in a situation where even discrimination against women in the fields of higher education and job placement leads to their confinement to the home, the dowry can potentially act as a mechanism for empowering divorced women. Even for Iranian women, the dowry sometimes serves as a tool to pressure the man, so that

In fact, what can bring women closer to economic independence is empowering them in the areas of education, employment, and awareness of their human rights. However, in a society that puts women in a subordinate position, escape solutions are also offered through legitimizing this subordination and providing legal and customary guarantees. In other words, women in traditional societies and within the framework of heterosexual male-dominated relationships, due to lack of legal, customary, economic, and social rights equal to men, are exposed to double oppression and the existence of “dowry”, although it may be somewhat useful in escaping the harm caused by these oppressions, but still as a tradition, it perpetuates an unequal relationship, symbolizes an unequal relationship, and serves as a tool to legitimize it.