In the book “Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other”.‌

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“Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other”

Sherry Turkle, with a sharp and analytical perspective, delves into the emotional and philosophical consequences of life in societies that are becoming increasingly digitalized. Turkle, a clinical psychologist and professor at MIT, uses an interdisciplinary approach to examine cultural narratives surrounding technology with psychological depth and sociological breadth.

This book, published in 2011, is the result of over fifteen years of research on the lives of children, adolescents, adults, and elderly individuals in technology-saturated environments.

Together alone.

Neither is it a statement against technology, nor a call to return to the past, but rather an effort to shed light on how our dependence on digital tools – especially social robots and network-connected devices – has changed our human expectations, intimacy, and even our perception of ourselves. The mentioned book has also been translated and published in Persian in 2019.

The main theme of the book is presented in a clear and warning manner: as technology becomes more prevalent in our lives, we not only rely on it for assistance, but also use it as a substitute for human relationships. As a result, we expect machines to fulfill emotional roles, while distancing ourselves from the effort required for human relationships.

First Part: The Moment of Robotics.

The first half of the book, titled “Moments of Robotics,” explores the phenomenon of human-robot interaction, especially in sensitive emotional areas. Turkle examines the appeal and consequences of social robots; from children’s toys such as…

Firbi.

Translation: Firbi.

And.

Tamakoochi.

Tamakoochi.

Taken for robots caring for the elderly and medical companions.

Paru.

“Robotic walker designed for the comfort of patients with dementia.”

One of the most controversial views of Turkle is that these machines do not need to have intelligence or consciousness in order to create real emotional responses in humans. Instead, they function as “relational artifacts”: objects that create the illusion of mutual interaction. This illusion is so powerful that children mourn the “death” of a Tamagotchi or the elderly prefer robotic caregivers over human nurses. Turkle’s interviews show that people gradually see these objects as having emotions and morals, and interpret their behavior as real.

Turkle’s concern is not about the advancement of technology, but about the emotional substitution it brings. In her view, the danger is not that machines will become like humans, but that humans will start thinking like machines; expecting predictability, control, and convenience in all relationships. When children say they prefer robots to siblings because “they don’t hurt your feelings” or adults express that a robot is a better listener than their friend, we should expect deep consequences. This speaks to a cultural shift towards emotional minimalism; where simply displaying enough care and attention is enough, even if it lacks sincerity.

The moment of robotics defines not only points in the development of technology, but also our psychological readiness to accept it as a substitute for human connections. The moment of robotics is more than just a technological reality, it is a psychological threshold; a place where simulation seems sufficient and imitation of empathy not only does not differ from empathy itself, but may even be preferred.

Part Two: In the Network.

The second half of the book, titled “In the Network”, focuses on everyday communication technologies such as text messaging, email, Facebook, Twitter, blogs, and online gaming, rather than robotic companions. Here, the emphasis is on “networked selves”: versions of the self that are formed through digital interactions, broken and constantly reconstructed.

Turkel argues that digital communication architecture has created a new communicative situation, one that he calls “alone together.” This paradoxical situation shows that people are constantly connected to others through devices, but emotionally and cognitively separated from those physically present around them. People sit next to friends or family but are immersed in their own screens; teenagers sleep with their phones under their pillows to always be available; parents check work emails during dinner; and lovers send messages instead of talking to each other.

Turkel says this constant connection comes with a heavy price. This situation weakens conversation; a necessary process not only for communication, but also for cultivating empathy, moral reflection, and inner harmony. Unlike conversation which requires presence and acceptance of uncertainty, digital messaging allows for control, editing, and avoidance of emotional risks.

“Golden Effect.”  

One of the profound and insightful concepts that Turkle discusses is the Goldilocks Effect: our tendency to desire relationships that are “not too close, not too far, but just right.” She borrows this term from the classic children’s story, “Goldilocks and the Three Bears,” where Goldilocks is looking for things that are “just right” (not too hot, not too cold, not too hard, not too soft). Turkle uses this story as a metaphor to show how people are increasingly trying to use technology to tailor their social interactions to their exact preferences.

We want connection without vulnerability, attention without intimacy, and companionship without commitment. Social networks, by providing manageable pieces of connection, create the possibility for us to edit our messages, filter our photos, and disconnect whenever we want. But in this process, the emotional complexity of relationships disappears and the purity of connection is sacrificed for comfort.

Identity and Display.

Turkle also examines the impact of social media on identity formation, especially in adolescents. In an environment where self-expression is filtered through likes, comments, and shares, the “self” becomes a performance rather than an internal discovery. Adolescents feel anxious about maintaining their online persona that they have created for years. In this space, the pressure to “fit in” replaces the necessary freedom to “become something.”

This gaze weakens the sense of identity, solitude, and individualism; something that Turkle sees as essential for personal coherence and resilience. Without individualism, individuals lose the ability for introspection, self-discipline, and defining their own independence. The culture of “always being available” takes away the opportunity for contemplation and promotes a reactive rather than contemplative way of life.

Ethical and philosophical contemplations.

One of the prominent aspects of Turkle’s book is her emphasis on the fact that ethical questions surrounding technology are not technical, but rather cognitive in nature. These questions are not about what machines can do, but rather about what we expect from them and, more importantly, what sacrifices we are willing to make in return.

“Repetition of the term ‘replacement’ is common. We are not just enhancing our human abilities with technology, but rather replacing human presence, emotional-human work, and human vulnerability with intermediaries, algorithms, and simulations. Choosing to use a robot to calm a child or elderly person may seem harmless or even efficient, but if prioritizing machine efficiency over human effort is a reflection of our cultural values, what does that mean?”

Turkel also invites us to think about the long-term cultural consequences of these choices. When in moments of intimacy, mourning, or confusion, we prefer the human over the machine, we become accustomed to emotional minimalism; a world in which caring behaviors are not reciprocal and feeling is not necessary for empathy to be effective.

Critiques and opposing views.

Despite the depth and importance of Turkle’s perspectives, some criticisms are also worthy of attention. First, there is an accusation of technological pessimism. Although Turkle emphasizes that she does not have hostility towards technology and her focus is mainly on its dangers and shortcomings. Her book provides few examples of cases where technology has been able to strengthen human relationships or act as a bridge between people instead of an obstacle.

Secondly, his methodology, which relies heavily on interviews and case studies, may lack the expected rigor in some academic fields. His ethnographic observations are rich and thought-provoking, but not easily generalizable. For example, his accounts of teenagers engaging with their online identities, while influential, may not necessarily represent broader trends among cultures or social classes.

Ultimately, the analysis that Turkle presents of the pre-digital past sometimes takes on a nostalgic tone. Her defense of conversation and solitude is very convincing, but the idealized image of life before technology may overlook the fact that social hierarchies, failures in relationships, and disruptions in human connections have always been a part of human existence, with or without technology.

Invitation to Review Digital Habits.

Despite these criticisms, .

Alone together.

One of the prominent works in the field of digital culture and media ethics is still considered to be Turkle’s. Her genius lies not only in her ability to observe subtle changes in human behavior, but also in her skill to articulate the philosophical and emotional weight behind these hidden changes. She offers a precise diagnosis of our times, defined by paradoxes: constant connectivity and increasing loneliness, more interaction and less intimacy, greater access and less depth and purity.

Leaving a book is not done by abandoning technology, but by requesting knowledge. He wants to review our digital habits and create new norms; norms that protect solitude, promote real conversation, and recognize the irreplaceable value of human presence.

In an era where the question is not whether to use technology for mediation in relationships or not, but rather it is about…

How.

Let’s do this, the task of leaving is more necessary than ever before.

Alone Together.

We are called to reclaim what is human within us: not by rejecting innovation, but by remembering that no machine, no matter how advanced, can take the place of the simple and profound act of being present with another.

Book Name:

Alone Together: Why do we expect more from technology and less from each other?

Author: Sheri Turkle.

Translator: Mohammad Mo’mayariyan.

Publication year: 1398.

Publisher: Sura Mehr.